Saltwater Heart
by Foolsgold Fenrir
Summary: Lola and Lana have some feelings buried deep within their hearts, yet it won't stop tormenting their minds. On one particular night that's supposed to be happy, those feelings are all they can think about.


_**(A/N): I know I know, I already finished the OTP challenge and I have to prepare for the next one with a different pairing. But come on, how long did you really think I could wait before writing about Lolana again? And I didn't get much of a chance to do an angsty theme in it, so here we are. I had it take place two years after canon time really just for the sake of timeline stuff in this AU. Not everything happens in a single year after all. Also, thank you to Takaluca for collabing on this with me.**_

* * *

Two years into the future, things were pretty much the same. Aside from Lori moving out for college and Luna and Leni both taking on roles of leadership side by side in an effort to keep order and stability in a place that lacked it more often than not. That also meant more opportunities for chaos and adventures for each and every one of them, whether with each other or on their own path.

The twins were now 8 years old and for the most part the way they had always been. Lana was still a rowdy, hard-working, eccentric tomboy with a fondness for vulgar humor. And of course, Lola was still going strong with her pageant career. In fact, she made it to the regionals. She already won her first one last year, and was doing it again this year.

Lana was there to watch her just like last year. Despite pageants being as exciting for her as math was for any of her sisters with the exception of Lisa, she still would be there for her twin (and a bit of pressure from the others). Still, if it weren't for her twin being on the stage, she would have already fallen asleep in her seat. After all, what kind of sister would she be if she didn't support her during her journey to stardom?

That, and she was always fascinated by her acts in the pageant. She was genuinely interested in the way she was able to perform a ribbon dance seemingly flawlessly. The time and effort Lola had put into every single second of her act, from the gymnastics to the answers she gave to philosophical questions that would've stumped nearly anyone else her age. It gave her a fuzzy feeling in her chest, an agonizingly familiar one with the meaning not lost on her.

Sure, Lola's life was basically built for those moments where she had to show off, but it still didn't fail to impress Lana. Even though she watched and sometimes even helped her prepare, those moments somehow always seem to have a new charm. It was almost like those things weren't done in front of a crowd of people and judges, but like she was the only one she was performing for.

For Lola, it kind of was like that as well. Whenever she could, she flashed a wide grin at her twin and occasionally even gave a little wave. She also felt a warm, fuzzy feeling blooming in her chest whenever she caught a glimpse of her in the crowd. Although having a crowd cheer her on gave her the exact kind of ego boost that she got into pageantry for in the first place, it was really just her face that she searched for among the sea of people.

After some time, the show came to an end and it was time to announce the winner. Dana (formerly Donnie) Dufresne spoke with the judges as they wrote something onto a slip of paper. They handed it over to her, and with a twirl she mustered all the energy and pizzazz she could. All of the contestants lined up in single file in front of the curtain and behind Dana.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. In third place for the Little Miss Southwestern Michigan iiiiisss… _Chinah Porcelaine!"_

The crowd cheered as she stepped up and bowed, accepting the praise with honor.

"In second place iiisss… _Lindsey Sweetwater!"_

Lindsey did the same thing as Chinah, though she quickly shot a glare at Lola over her shoulder. It was less than half a second, but it was enough to irk Lola. She was surprised that Lindsey managed to even make it to the regionals, then again maybe moving to a different town helped tone down her competition a little bit. Lola smirked at the thought and was no longer peeved.

"And finally, our Little Miss Southwestern Michigan iiiiisss… _Lola Loud!"_

The crowd exploded with celebration, the clapping filling the building at a nearly deafening level. The spotlight shone on Lola and she stepped up, her grin bigger than before. She accepted the crown and sash, and gave the audience a bow as well. Though she was used to winning general pageants and had won the Southeastern Michigan regional pageant last year, this time felt more special. A single tear welled in the corner of her eye, but she blinked it away. Plus, she got bit of satisfaction from seeing the smile in Lindsey's face fade away.

Lana stood up alongside the crowd to applaud and congratulate her twin. While everyone there just did the same as her, including her family, she tried to sound like she clapped a bit louder or that she was standing a bit taller to get the attention of her twin. And at the same time, it seemed that Lola somehow spotted her, like she was looking for the attention of her twin as well.

They ran up to each other and embraced each other in a tight, warm hug. The fuzzy feeling got even stronger and they inhaled sharply. Withdrawing from the hug, they faced each other with a smile. Their cheeks were warm and red with blush, noticeable enough for Lola to see on Lana but not so much for her to see it on Lola. The makeup covered it up somewhat. Lola felt it just the same though, and her eyes widened. They turned around to recover, then faced each other again.

"Congrats on winning yet again, Lols!" Lana congratulated.

"Thanks… I know it's a bit boring for you, to watch the show and all, so thank you for coming." Lola replied. "Really, I appreciate it."

"No no, it ain't boring for me. Really, it's pretty cool." Lana said earnestly. Her soft smile and relaxed posture showed that as much, which only made Lola's heartbeat quicken.

"Alright girls, it's getting late and we have to be back home for dinner as soon as we can." Rita said and signaled for everyone else to follow her out of the building.

The twins were the last to follow, racing hurriedly to make sure they didn't get left behind. In a huge family, that's bound to happen if you don't get with the program. The corners of their mouths turned downward into a small frown.

It was later in the night and everyone else was already ready for bed. Lana stayed behind in the bathroom and watched through the crack in the door as they all retreated to their rooms one by one. She especially kept track of her twin until she left her sight. She then closed the door completely, locked it, and sighed.

She reached into the front pocket of her overalls before stopping. Something odd caught her eye and she suddenly remembered something. "_What about Lisa's cameras?" _She thought.

Oddly enough, she didn't care about them being there otherwise. Then again, there were also very few times where she really cared about the concept of privacy. This, however, was one of those times.

After she made sure the cameras were blocked with enough toilet paper, she reached back into her front pocket to pull out a picture of Lola posing like a model. It came alongside a Christmas gift the girl gave her twin, and Lana decided to keep both the present and the picture, even if she doesn't remember what the former even was. Spending so much time in a small and tight space must have had something to do with that.

She pulled the toilet lid down and sat on top of it, and held the items out in her open palms to get a better look at them. She uncrumpled the picture and smoothed it out as best as she could, though there were still some wrinkles and tears she couldn't fix.

"Why can't things be easy for once?" She muttered quietly in a somber tone. "I thought it would go away, but… but it really hasn't."

Lana just stared at the picture, trying to hold back her crying. A lonely tear went down her eyes, which made her way down her cheeks. She used her tongue to wipe it away, giving her mouth a salty taste. She went towards the sink, maybe washing her face would make her calm down. She didn't want to burst in sadness and get everyone's attention.

Not only was she, in her mind, supposed to be the "tough one" but what would she even say if someone asked what was wrong? No doubt she would be told a bunch of different things about how wrong it was, or that it was just a phase. Though at this point she wished it really was a phase. Sure she was aware that Luna had a girlfriend, but the thing was that Sam wasn't related to her let alone her twin. What could Lana possibly use to justify what was going on with herself?

And why complicate things even more when it seems like everyday a new situation comes up? No need to add fuel to the fire, and Mom and Dad, and Luna and Leni can't handle everything. She heard that bottling emotions up was a bad thing to do, but does it really count when she had several reasons to do so? This was just damage control, right?

Those questions, among many others, floated within Lana's mind as she prepared herself to come out. She didn't want to stay in there for too long, lest someone interrupts her or found it to be suspicious that she was staying there for so long. Plus, she was pretty tired anyway and it was a school night. Her third grade teacher was much more strict about kids being late to class or not participating. She hurried out of the bathroom and towards her room.

However, when she got there Lola was not there. She tilted her head in confusion since she was pretty sure she saw her go in before. She was still too tired to really say or do anything about it, and she stressed enough already. All it takes to wipe it away is some good sleep. She knew it would come back the next day anyway, it always did. Whenever nightmares didn't plague her though, the dream world was a nice escape from reality.

Meanwhile, Lola had been lying in her bed without attempting to sleep. There was too much on her mind to even think about getting a wink of rest. There weren't any new revelations or anything like that, but she wasn't particularly good with stress.

Even with a sleeping mask on her face, her eyes were wide open. The material felt weird against her eyeballs but she was used to that. Her brain was storming her too much for her to be able to calm down and sleep. She just tried to shake those thoughts out of her head, and failed miserably.

She sighed and threw the covers and sleeping mask off. She hopped off of her canopy bed and made her way out of the room. She looked behind her towards her twin's empty bed and left the room. All of the lights were off except for the bathroom light. It provided some illumination so she could tiptoe through the hallway without making a sound or tripping on anything. Cautiously, she turned the doorknob of one of the doors and opened it.

Inside the room, Leni slept peacefully alone with her own sleeping mask. After Lori mover out and Leni turned her side of the room in a sort of studio for cloth design, she slept alone on that bedroom. That was perfect for her. She needed someone to talk too, someone that wasn't Lana. And Leni would be perfect, because she'd understand her, and not understand her at the same time.

"Leni?" Lola said quietly in the entrance.

Leni continued to sleep. Lola tiptoed closer to her, after closed the door, then tapped her shoulder a few times. "Leni?"

"_Mmm, five more days mom_." Leni said, turning around. Lola rolled her eyes and tried again.

"_LENI!" _Lola hissed, getting fed up.

Leni stirred awake and sat up, but didn't take her mask off. "_Hrmm? Who's there?"_

"It's me, Lola. Can I talk to you?"

"Lola? Are you invisible again?"

Lola pulled the sleeping mask off of Leni's face and flung it across the room. "No, I'm right here. Sorry for waking you, but I can't sleep."

"Ohhh… so… what happened?"

Lola sighed and flung herself backwards onto the bed, landing on the sheets with a _*pomf.*_

You see, well… I've got a lot on my mind. Normally it just stays in the back of my mind and doesn't bother me all day. But when I try to sleep, and whenever… whenever I see… _someone…" _Lola nearly said "Lana" but caught herself at the last second. "It just… takes over."

"Oh… you feel funny when you're with someone, don't you?" Leni asked. "And you're scared than maybe they don't feel funny with you?"

"Y-yeah… how'd you know?"

"I felt that way… and Lori felt like that many times when we were younger. She talked to me about that. I don't know much about it, but Lori taught me a bit."

"What did you and Lori do when you felt like that?"

"Well… we talked to the someone we liked… with Lori it worked. For me… we're friends,

but it didn't go very good. But I'm happy I tried."

"That's one of the things I'm worried about. What if sh- _they _don't feel the same way about me? Wouldn't things just get awkward?"

"Lola, everyone can get spooked with that. But, like, if you don't feel safe yet, try to just enjoy when you're with this someone. Wait until you're ready. They won't hate you for liking them."

"I don't know about that. The thing about this is, well… it's _weird. _I shouldn't feel the way I do about them. Only weirdos do that. And I don't want to be a weirdo."

"Oh Lola, you aren't weird for liking someone. Everybody has somebody to like."

"Everyone? Even… even when it's weird of them to like the person they like? Because that's what I'm also worried about. I don't think I'm supposed to like them."

"Why not? Why shouldn't you like someone?"

Lola froze. She knew for a fact that things would quickly go wrong if she fully explained why, or who it was. Even though she went to Leni for a reason.

"I… well- well I… I just can't. There's no way it would work out, and it would just cause more problems."

"How do you know? Have you tried?"

"I haven't."

"Then it's not impossible. You can totes make it work. I know it's spooky, but you can try."

Lola looked up at Leni with a quivering lip. "I-I can?"

"Of course you can. You just have to make sure you're ready."

"When will I know if I'm ready?"

"I… I don't know. But you will… I think."

"Well… I still don't know if it's a good idea, but if it is, I hope I don't screw it up. Thanks, Leni." Lola gave her a weak smile and got up off of the bed.

"No problem. You think you can sleep now?"

"I think so. G'night."

"Goodnight." Leni waved back to her. She picked up her flung sleeping mask and put it back on, then got back under the covers.

Lola left the room and tiptoed through the hallway again. By the time she was back in her room, Lana was already in bed and asleep. She looked at her longingly, wishing she could heed Leni's advice. Still, she was told that she'd be ready eventually. She wondered when and if that time would come. That nearly set off another storm within her mind, but she was much too tired to really think about it at the moment. So, she climbed up back into her own bed, put on her sleeping mask, and tucked herself in.

"_Goodnight, Lana." _She whispered softly without waking her up. With one last sigh, she turned on her side and closed her eyes.


End file.
